Wednesday's New Comics

Captain Elias' Pull List


DC


Batgirl #21:  By far one of the best comics being released. Consistently funny, exciting and brilliantly paced. Bryan Q. Miller has made me love Stephanie Brown more than I ever have, and I've known her since she was in her purple jammies. Read this book.

Batman Incorporated #6: I might not buy this. It depends if I'm strong during my lunch break. I don't want this, I've hated reading this series, and while I have a decent IQ and admirable attention span, reading Grant Morrison these days is like slowly turning a 6 foot corkscrew threw my occipital lobe.

Birds of Prey #12: Brightest Day is done, faking Oracle's death is done, so hopefully now we see some good adventures. In between the obligatory Dawn-is-crying panels. (Geoff Johns you bastard.)

Red Robin #23: Tim Drake continues to be the best hero in either universe, and remains underrated. Fabien Nicieza, who I often love and sometimes don't, begins a new arc called the '7 Days of Death.' It focuses on assassination attempts, which sounds a lot like the original Council of Spiders arc, but mostly it doesn't involve the Unternet so I'm looking forward to it.

Marvel

Amazing Spider-Man #660: The hilarious Blackbeard/Sinister Six/FF crossover continues. Loved the first one, sticking with the follow-up. Maybe Dan Slott will even turn me into a regular, though my bank account hopes not.


Astonishing X-Men #37: Another I'm unsure about. This title has been horrible post-Joss Whedon and I gave up somewhere around Xerogenesis. But apparently Daniel Way is rather good, and Armor (who I haven't read about in awhile) deals with some personal stuff. Plus, Fin Fang Foom.


Fantastic Four #570: One of Marvel's ingenious $1 reprints, this is Jonathan Hickman's first issue on Fantastic Four. Definitely missed out on the brunt of his run, and interested to read it. I'll give this a shot first, and then contemplate the Trade Paperbacks after a future payday.

FF#3:  All the alternate universe Reeds show up. Also the art is beautiful and Val Richards is in it.

Journey Into Mystery #623: I really liked Kieron Gillen's first issue here and quite enjoyed his take on boy-Loki. Especially after the fantastic movie, I'm willing to stick around and see what happens.


New Avengers #12: Can't seem to NOT buy this comic, even though the past/original Avengers story is boring as hell. In the present, Mockingbird is still bleeding out in a hospital. I don't mind Bendis' dialogue but if he could speed things along, that would be wonderful.


New Mutants #25: Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning writing New Mutants starts here!! Cyclops orders the team to track down omega level alternate universe mutant Nate Grey! Dani still has no powers but she's super bossy and has some role to play in Fear Itself! Doug and Warlock are still alive! Gonna be good.

X-Men #11: Vampire Jubilee is feeling out of place on an island of superpowered bizarre looking mutants, so Professor X has a little heart to heart. Here's hoping they go rollerblading.

X-Men Legacy #248: Rogue assembles a new, pretty dark team, and the entire island struggles with their fake but potent memories of 3 years of different relationships and constant trauma. Excited to see the Frenzy/Cyclops thing, Pixie's darker self fallout, and Storm and Namor's touchy-feely memories.


Image



Moriarty #1: Don't know these writers and haven't heard about the comic but c'mon...Moriarty? Years after Sherlock's death? I'm gonna wait till I see this in the shop before I decide, but in truth I am a complete sucker for this kind of thing.

The Unflappable Captain Kearney

"God's Judgment" with Lt. Jenkins

Lt. Jenkins in "God's Pride"

"God Hatches a Plan" featuring Lt. Jenkins

"The Resurrection of Lt. Jenkins"

Part I of II

"The Resurrection of Lt. Jenkins"
Part II of II

Next Time:

-The Ship is in Danger

-Something Explodes

-God and Captain K Have a Little Chat

Thank you for reading Wooden World Comics.

Doctor Who Review: That Was No Pirate

In case you're new here, let me reiterate. I love Doctor Who. (Have loved it since the reboot began in '05.) I love Matt Smith's new Doctor, and Amy Pond, Rory, and River Song. I loved last season.

I enjoyed the two-part premiere, but there was something missing. It was not nearly as good as The Eleventh Hour. And then, as their first follow up, they give us The Curse of the Black Spot. Another thing I love is naval history, and thus it seemed they made this episode with me in mind. However, this was not a lovable episode.

In fact, it was wretched. It was written by a Stephen Thompson, with whom I was unfamiliar until google informed me he wrote an episode of Moffat's modern retelling Sherlock, which I recall enjoying (except for their bizarre Moriarty and obsession with making both him and Holmes gay.) So, probably a young writer, one of Moffat's 'gang', being given a shot in the big leagues with an unimportant episode.

I support giving writers a chance, and wouldn't mind a crack at a Doc Who ep myself, but in a 13 episode season that's being broken in half for several months just to increase the suspense, there is no excuse for fillers.

The dialogue was flat and cliche and unfunny (drunk Rory, confused Doctor, 'Alien bogeys!') every joke and dynamic having been done before. The Doctor does nothing clever at all this episode and in fact none of them are essential to the plot whatsoever. The pirates are laughable. I understand this is sci/fi, where they time travel and go to alien worlds, but piracy existed as did disgraced naval officers--but they became sailors in the merchant service, not thieves. And if they did become privateers, they didn't actually fly the "black flag. The jolly roger!" as one of the men declare. To fly a black flag as a private was a grave thing, indicating that your ship would give no quarter and ask for none, killing anyone on board they captured. Also, where in the world is a ship becalmed in total darkness for eight days in a row? And what "experienced" sailor leaves three open flame lanterns hanging in the magazine with the gunpowder?

Anyway, it wasn't just those major inaccuracies (Amy and Rory supposedly able to set the sails of a three-mast ship by pulling on two ropes) it was the unoriginality and the ceaseless melodrama. The dying son, the unworthy father. Why in God's name get Hugh Bonneville as a guest-star, and give him such an abominable role? In the end there was nothing redeeming about his character at all. He might as well have stayed with his son to avoid the authorities in England and because he was poor from losing his stolen treasure (which had been stolen from an Indian King? What?)

The lack of creativity came with the siren lady and her lame 'hypnotizing' song. It was obvious these people weren't being disintegrated, and the twist was one that Doctor Who has done before (The Doctor Dances, and I'm pretty sure there was another.)

Instead, the worst part was what turned out to be the climax. Rory was in the water a bit too long, and was drowning apparently. So it was up to Amy to save him, by doing CPR. Which she kind of does in the TARDIS, neglecting to tilt his head back, and sobbing hysterically when she was supposed to be exhaling into his mouth. The sweeping music, the hopeless looking Doctor, the dishevelled, crying, begging Amy, this all lasted for several minutes until miraculously, when all hope was gone, Rory coughed and jumped up and hugged Amy saying "You did it!"

Honestly? A character drowning and getting CPR to come back is not a CLIMAX. It's a way to fill up 2 minutes in the first act if you're a bit short on action. Obviously he wasn't going to die, so trying to play on our emotions with such cheap, unintelligent, uninspired manipulations loses the show a lot of respect.

Doctor Who requires a large suspension of disbelief, and this is one of the first times I've found it nearly impossible. Next week sees The Doctor's Wife, the episode written by Neil Gaiman. If anyone can restore this season to its potential greatness, it would be Master Gaiman. Here's hoping.

Thor: A Review

A Masterpiece. 

Truly, this is the best comic book movie made to date (sorry Mr. Favreau) and regardless of specific genre, a straight-up great movie. Everyone will love this, diehard fan or neophyte.

While everything works in this film, I suspect the secret to its utter success is Kenneth Branagh. His experience and eye brought us a well-oiled machine, scenes perfectly cut together, action perfectly balanced with emotion, as well as some time in his personal wheelhouse, with Shakespearean betrayals and family strife and true love. One can almost see him coaxing the performances out of his actors. And they didn't disappoint.

Chris Hemsworth is so completely the Asgardian Prince that I was rather shocked. I didn't get such an overwhelming sense of that from the trailers or clips, and in fact was a little worried that he'd be some swaggering, Rugby jock type of God-hero. And to be sure the arrogance of his character is off-putting in the first part of his arc, but you are completely absorbed by his raw power and authority (and yes, attraction.) A few twists of fate later and he is grinning in a trailer with Natalie Portman, and you realize you are grinning like a fool in your seat as well. By the end he is everything a comic reader knows Thor to be, and even more. Kind, beautiful, noble, polite, strong beyond belief, but with an unexpected sense of humor you don't often see in the comics. Hemsworth utterly nailed it.

Tom Hiddleston as Loki was perhaps even better. The God of Mischief with the serpent's tongue is a character one would think tough to translate to the screen, all those thought bubbles and boxes of narration being rather helpful when it comes to explaining how he's deceiving his loved ones by saying exactly what they want to hear. Somehow it is accomplished, whether the credit goes to the writers or Hiddleston or even Branagh, but Loki becomes a clearly portrayed  yet complex character; beautiful in his own way, skilled, treacherous, consumed with such a vast amount of loneliness and self-doubt that no amount of love reaches him. The two brothers are so young, they act with folly and recklessness and pride, that one almost doesn't recall they're immortal until the end of the movie.

But Gods they are, and everything is done, including the humor, to confirm this. The sets for Asgard and the Rainbow Bridge are gorgeous. Again, I worried they would be too much or too fake, but they were aesthetically pleasing and, once the characters began speaking, completely believable. The juxtaposition of Thor on Earth, stripped of most of his power and in the company of mortals, even enhances his true, God-like stature, and yet you can see the beginnings of Thor's lifelong love of Earth.


 I could easily go on, spoiling the movie and doing little else but gushing. But I shall call on the power of brevity to reveal any further points. Scenes with SHIELD were exciting (Hawkeye Cameo!!) and well done and Agent Coulson ("Son of Coul") has become an old Marvel movie friend by this point. Even Natalie Portman, who has of late become rather annoying, was dead-on as Jane Foster and provided a warm, simple foil to Thor. Stellan Skarsgard stole several scenes and Anthony Hopkins naturally reminded us of his acting prowess. I had forgotten Rene Russo was in it (love that woman, go rewatch the Thomas Crown Affair remake) and while she only had two lines, she looked stunning. Kat Dennings delivered her comic relief very well and in fact, there are several moments of pure hilarity throughout the film that do nothing to take away from the epic nature of the story. It is based on a comic book after all, and the skillful blend of heavy emotion, thrilling adventure, and lighthearted humor is a joy to experience.


The bar has been set high indeed for Captain America, let alone Whedon's Avengers. But no matter what those two accomplish, Thor is a triumph.

Go see it now. And don't forget to sit through the credits for the traditional bonus Marvel movie scene. You will hear the spontaneous howls of wonder from the geeks in the audience, and then either overhear the awestruck explanations or else start googling [redacted] on your iPhone.

Rating: Nine out of Nine Realms.

The Week in Review

It's been an eventful week, so here's a little helpful roundup of things both missed and left to look forward to.


News

-Osama Bin Laden got double tapped by some God-like Navy SEALs. Not much to say anymore, though Ann Coulter's tweet sums things up well:  "If Osama is really dead, who’s the guy I got chained up in the horse stall out back?"

Comics

-Well, Fear Itself is still...going on. Only 6 months left! They're very clever with their marketing though--where once I was deluged by press and ads and teasers for this event, now I see nothing except once a month when the new issue comes out. And by then I've nearly forgotten how disinterested and even offended I was by the last one, so I pick it up.  I miss Matt Fraction from his Iron Fist days.

-Speaking of Big 2 writers who don't seem effective any more, Paul Jenkins' Prelude to Schism was quite the boring empty rip off. I enjoy reading Professor X's thought process as much as the next geek, and explosions aren't necessary for a good comic, but dear God let something happen. Or at least say something other than "Cyclops is a really great guy."

-Little else this week bears repeating, except for the talented team of DnA who rock every book they're ever given. (Please bring back Guardians.)

TV
-Justified Season 2 ended, and has left an unexpectedly large hole in the week's programming. Olyphant is flawless, the supporting cast too deep to even get to, and the writers hit the right mood and mark every single week. Saw the end coming, and wasn't as hugely climactic as first season, but it was appropriate and dramatic. Just wish it wasn't gonna be an entire year before they deal with all the dangling plot threads. Give Olyphant more leading roles!

-The Killing has gotten completely lame. I know the Danish version had about 20 episodes, and they already shortened that down to 13 for us, but the last two were complete fillers. The suspects haven't changed, the characters haven't developed, and the viewers have had to sit through two more hours with grieving parents. Listen up writers; maybe in Scandinavia, grief for grief's sake is entertaining or full of meaning. But here it is tedious, cheap manipulation with which you don't even say anything remotely pertinent about death or family or parenting or regret etc. You just do close ups on vacant stares and make us want to fast forward the DVR. Pick it up.

-Community brought back paintball. And it's a 2-parter. Possibly the greatest episode ever. Long live Annie. 'Nuff said.

-Fringe season finale on tonight!! Will a Universe die? Or perhaps just Peter? Or maybe just Bolivia? Whatever it is, expect to be surprised. This season has been fantastic, from the digitally animated sequence to my absolute favorite part ever: Olivia (Anna Torv) possessed by Billy (Leonard Nimoy.) I've said it before but it bears repeating: Torv needs an emmy.

-Doctor Who is new this weekend as well. It involves the Doctor, Amy, Rory and pirates. Also a mermaid and a curse and a plank and a pirate ship. Guess you'll know where I'll be.

Movies

-I Am Number Four is worth watching for the sake of the delicious eye candy, but not much else.

This picture is absolutely necessary to the understanding of this post.

-No Strings Attached was so inexplicably painful that I do not even have the strength to provide a review, save to say "stay away from this monstrously shallow, vulgar, pointless piece of crap."

-In more more exciting news, and what will hopefully be a better step for the ubiquitous Ms. Portman, THOR is in theatres as we speak!! Kenneth Branagh's comic book movie debut has gotten wonderful reviews, and I for one can't wait to see it after work today. I'll let you know my thoughts. But if you go today remember to sit through the credits. These Marvel franchise movies love teasing us for the next one when everything's done. Usually with Sam Jackson's Nick Fury who you should know is a super-spy, which makes it rather funny that Jackson lost his script the first week of filming. I promise not to read a page though :-) I've waited far longer than a year before to see something Joss Whedon's making.

Happy Friday!!

 

Clearly, I have a problem.

I Am Number Four Review

Based on the bestselling children's book of the same title, I Am Number Four doesn't make very many demands on its audience, nor does it give us many gifts apart from being aesthetically pleasing.

Then why on Earth would I watch it, you ask. Four reasons.

Number One:  Alex Pettyfer

Judge me all you want, but don't pretend you don't feel something. Turns he may be a bit of psycho rage monster, and his acting wasn't terribly solid (I had no idea an American accent was so difficult to maintain), but c'mon, who couldn't spend an hour and a half staring at that?


Number Two: Marti Noxon

The massively talented writer of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame (and many more shows, but none worth mentioning in the same sentence as Buffy) was brought in to fix an apparently clunky script. The original screenplay was written by the guys who created Smallville, and you can see their heavy-handed, brooding, melodramatic, choppy fingerprints all over the place. I doubt Marti was given more to do than Doctor the script a bit, but I have no doubt that the more poignant and smooth parts of the movie are due to her.

In point of fact, I'd follow Marti anywhere (I even gave Private Practice a chance when she was there...ugh) including her upcoming Fright Night remake. Of course I'd look into that with or without her, considering the star is David freaking Tennant as a vampire, but still, glad she's getting some bigger budget projects. If they do a sequel to this, I say give her the writing reins.


Number Three: Aliens & Superpowers

Obviously this is a weak spot for me. A boy grows up on earth, but is in truth from another planet. During adolescence his body experiences some shocking changes, and then suddenly he has superpowers, which he decides weren't given to him just to be hidden. So he stands up for what he believes in, and fights his new, now-everpresent enemies.

So maybe the writers of the book weren't terribly original, and the best they could do was come up with alien names like Magadorians and Lorien (which, come to think of it, is one of Tolkien's names) but the territory is so familiar it's like reading an old favorite book when you're sick. And I don't care how often I see it, or how many people have it, but telekinesis will always be cool.


Number Four: Timothy Olyphant

Unfortunately, the movie lacks the proper amount of Olyphant time required in all films ever produced, giving him that unfortunate father-figure-death before the climax (when in the book it seems he survives until the final battle) but at least they were smart enough to cast him. Yes, they gave him some terrible lines. Yes, the things he knew and the mysteries he was researching were never even remotely elaborated on. Yes, Justified Season 2 ended last night and was awesome. And yes, I think about the possibility that there is a house in Ohio inhabited by Timothy Olyphant and Alex Pettyfer.


So all in all, no, not a great movie. But if you want some gorgeous people to look at (Dianna Agron is in it as well) and some equally pretty action scenes and you have an hour or two of life that you're looking to pass you by without being terribly significant, go on and get this DVD!

One more for the road:

This Week's Comics

Without further ado, this week's pull list. (Thankfully not as large as last week's, which nearly broke the already meager bank account.)


DC

Superboy #7: This is the only DC title I'm picking up this week, and while I much preferred Geoff Johns brief run rebooting Superboy last year, Jeff Lemire writing Smallville has a quaint, old-timey comics sensibility that can be enjoyable. At least until last month when they told him he was part of a crossover and thus we had several pages of Doomsday beating the crap out of Connor (though some nice pages of him having a heart to heart with Red Robin---best superhero buddy relationship ever.) This week we see him go evil, and as I recall him breaking Tim's arm years ago and hurting even Cassie, this could be a good one.


MARVEL

Annihilators #3: Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning are quite possibly my favorite comic writers out there. Few things, if any, gave me as much joy as discovering Guardians of the Galaxy. My lasting grief at its ending, not to mention the ending of Nova's title, Star-Lord, all supporting characters, and all cosmic events, is tempered by two things only: One, that Marvel has not completely abandoned their critically acclaimed cosmic line-up, and a new event will bring them back soon, and Two, this comic. The heaviest hitters of the universe banded together? You had me at Quasar. The team takes on the Dire Wraiths, and Rocket Racoon and Great show up in the bizarre but likable backup.

Avengers Academy #13 and Avengers Academy Giant Size #1: This title is entertaining and consistent and well written, so I'm definitely sticking with it. The regular issue deals with some kind of super powered prom, a natural boiling cauldron of angst, hormones, and mutated genomes. I'll even buy the Giant Size gimmick, even though it seems to feature the Young Allies whom I have no interest in (except maybe Firestar) and anime-looking art, which makes me nauseous.

Fear Itself #2: Not much to say here. Did not enjoy the first one but its a major event and the art is pretty and I hate missing stuff. (Recap of first part: Mosque protesters at Ground Zero beaned Steve Rogers in the head.. Last I checked they were still there partying about Osama, and even Obama's visiting tomorrow. Watch out for flying bricks Mr. President, as apparently we're all savages.) Also, Thor and Odin say more harsh stuff to each other and continue their pubescent father-son wrangling with Odin's version of "Go toeth your roometh!" translating as binding Thor in magic chains.

Heroes for Hire #6: Another DnA comic and therefore one I will buy. Love Misty Knight, though this budding relationship with Paladin is a bit weird. I only know him from Silver Sable really, but they should take his mask off and show off his good looking blond side (Misty sure does have a type does she? Can't blame her, but honestly, who wouldn't be with Danny Rand if they had the chance?) This month, Spidey shows up! I have no doubt DnA can nail Peter Parker's dialogue.

Uncanny X-Force #9: Last issue with the Shadow King was great, so expect to see the fallout; namely, is Warren now completely homicidal? Has Archangel taken over? How often can Fantomex be stabbed in the chest and survive? And does this comic come out every week?

X-Me: Prelude to Schism #1: Now here's a crossover I'm looking forward to. While this prelude is 4 issues long, and therefore there's a while to wait before Schism begins, I have high hopes. Paul Jenkins is pretty much a legend (don't think Sentry, think The Inhumans. God what a great book that was.) It seems we first see signs of the upcoming split among the X-Men through Professor X himself, the founder and current man-on-the-outside. This seems like a whole new X-event, mature and psychological and maybe, God willing, it involves at least some of the X-Men leaving frikkin San Fransisco.

Boom! Studios

Irredeemable #25: I'm not exactly sure I know what's happening at this point in the series. The Plutonian is still on the prison planet with his mysterious ally? Or possibly the prison is still in his mind? Regardless, the earthbound Paradigm are obviously in trouble as a power-hungry Survivor has recruited old villains to join the team. Let's see what Qubit, and the crazy-in-love-with-Tony Modeus can do to fix things.

                                                

Captain Elias Presents The Unflappable Captain Kearney

The Unflappable Captain Kearney is owned & produced by

Wooden World Comics, Copyright, TM and shall be defended

with the full force of Captain Elias' sawed-off shotgun.

Coming up next time:

Lieutenant Jenkins meets God.

Doctor Who's New Season Shoots For The Moon...

...and misses the mark. *Spoilers.*



The last, and indeed only time, I felt dissatisfied with a Matt Smith Doctor Who episode was that two-parter last year that featured the alien, or pre-human, race called the Silurians.

Interestingly the premiere of the new season was also in two parts, and its enemy was an alien race that has been on earth from the beginning.

Last year's underground fiasco was boring and melodramatic, and The Impossible Astronaut and the Day of the Moon were anything but. Still, it felt far from perfect.

Fun as ever, the Doctor and his companions, and future/past wife, current flirt, River Song, spend most of the episode attempting to gather information about an enemy that you can't remember.

In the end, as usual, the Doctor thinks up something really clever and rather cool, and in effect saves the day. But that doesn't feel like the climax. In fact, there didn't seem to be any particular climax. There were scares, laughs, thrills, and a breakneck pace from beginning to end. And far, far too much future plot set-up. Almost the entire series premiere felt exclusively like a set-up for this year's stories. From Amy's quasi-pregnancy, to River Songs inevitable heartachey tragedy, to the little girl regenerating in the alley (yeahbuhwha??) and of course the Doctor's death from last week.

Clearly Steven Moffat is a master storyteller, with great vision and creativity and humor. But there should really be someone in the writing room who slows him down on occasion. Last year's premiere, The Eleventh Hour, was completely perfect. Set up the season, introduced new characters, but it all revolved around a self-contained, tight, exciting, poignant story.

Half of this year's premiere felt like a cheap ploy to cater to Americans, including the tacky, embarrassing exposition that BBC America sticks into the credits for us lowbrow knuckledraggers. This is the 2011, the age of mini-touch-pad computers in our palms...if there's someone who doesn't know about Doctor Who, and wants to find out, they don't need a Masterpiece Theatre introduction. I found the Doctor on my own, as did most Americans, it admittedly not being a major part of our culture.

But we're hardly less discerning of an audience than the British. (Honestly, look at their programming.) So the gun-jokes, and the car chases, and the rapid cuts of frame from horror to explosions to the Doctor making out is really unnecessary. In fact, a lot of what the Doctor does here is out of character. He grows a beard for one thing, necks with River, and in the end, turns the human race into cold-blooded assassins while leaving the mystery of a little girl who called for help far behind him.

So, yes, it was fun and entertaining and effectively scary and on occasion shocking, which a good Doctor Who episode almost invariably is. But there was no weight to it, nothing you could wrap your heart around. Amy's supposed to be our way in to the TARDIS our emotional, realistic connection with the remarkable Doctor, but she's either kidnapped and whimpering on their communications device or frustratingly muddled the entire time. In truth, her confusion echoes ours.

True fans don't just watch to see what happens, they watch cause they care about these people, and can imagine themselves lucky enough to travel in that crazy blue box sometime and love the hell out of it.

New viewers, and particularly Americans, similarly won't tune in just to see the plot threads neatly tied together (which, of course, they won't be until the end of the year since Moffat's obsession with cliffhangers has led to him breaking the season into two parts.) They'll come back if they love the Doctor, and with this premiere, it feels as if they never really had a chance to meet him.


    
    

The 5 Biggest Problems with Comic Book Movies

A few years ago, everyone was amazed by the amount of comic books being turned into full length feature films. Now, the rate of their production has quadrupled (according to an official, statistical guess by this blogger) with no signs of slowing down. Superpowers That Be takes a look at the difficulties and pitfalls in successfully bringing a comic book to the big screen.


1. I didn't write it.

That is to say, most comic book movies are not written by fanboys. While my own writing abilities are being sort of decent well I guess I like them usually do I most of the time, I don't personally have experience creating screenplays for big budget motion pictures.

The problem with the writers who do have experience, however, is they have none with the characters. Is there any possible way a fan, a reader and lover of the X-Men character Storm, could have written the words that came out of Halle Berry's mouth? Don't think so.

Hence the excitement (tinged with jealousy) regarding Joss Whedon having full control on The Avengers. No one is more of a fanboy than Joss, except that he's better than us. More brilliant, creative, funny and experienced. Problem is, past few years, he's started to seem unfortunately aware of this truth.

But I'm probably still just pissed I didn't get the job. (The Maximoffs would have totally been on my final team roster.)


2. Special Effects

Granted, this is a tough balance to maintain. On one hand, you don't want to see the wire holding Superman up in the sky. But on the other hand, you also don't want to see him flying stiffly in the uber-fake, detailed stratosphere and be reminded of that scene where Neo fights a thousand Agents at once. You know, that digital scene that singlehandedly destroyed The Matrix movies.

What else is on?

Clearly special effects are absolutely necessary, particularly for some heroes more than others. How else would they make a Green Lantern film? The flight, the green energy, the monsters, it's all hard to recreate with cardboard cut-outs in an age where movies that were made in the 1990s to feel dated.

And yet, from what I've seen of the Green Lantern movie so far, the costumes, aliens, Oa, even the lantern itself,  all look stylized by a goth cosplay Tim Burton enthusiast. (And what's with the freaking lines on his suit? They couldn't keep one of the simplest super outfits ever?)

The point being, not enough 'splosions, they think they'll lose their audience, and too many effects, they kill the story. Sad to say, the latter option doesn't effect ticket sales, hence it's not as important.



3. They'll make anything now.

Mark Millar has only to announce his intention to possibly release a new gory, flashy, light-on-story comic book and Kablammo! he's got a new movie deal.

Let's cast Jon Hamm before Issue #1 comes out!

I mean, who actually thought Jonah Hex was marketable? A Western, with a disfigured male lead, and a wooden, albeit it hot, Megan Fox making out with his deformed face?

Let's get a little more selective here folks.


4. Casting

Certainly this is a potential problem in all movies, but particularly here when the producers don't seem to realize that it's the hero we love, even more than the heroics. Thus, big names, used in attempt to guarantee ticket sales, are not the only option, and in fact often help destroy the movie by tarnishing and misrepresenting a beloved character. (Halle Berry's Storm, Ben Affleck's Daredevil and his wife's Elektra, Jessica Alba's Sue Storm, etc.)

Neither does gambling on an unknown actor always produce great results (Brandon Routh's Superman) but at least it shows an attempt to be true to the character. (And hope is very much alive for Chris Hemsworth's Thor.)




5. They keep making follow-ups.

Never ones to let 30 million bucks get in the way of a potential 100 million dollar profit, Hollywood only abandons a franchise if the film completely bombs, or else intends to say something positive about America. And in general, the follow-ups suck.

To be fair, exceptions exist here as well. X2 was better than X-Men, but the third provoked actual physical pain in its audience. Christopher Nolan has kept Batman relevant and critically acclaimed and Jon Favreau's Iron Man sequel saw a drop in quality but not a huge one. (Naturally one expects the third film to maintain this trend, especially with Favreau's lack of participation.)

In face, it's nearly impossible to maintain the high quality of a massive comic book franchise just by depending on audience interest. Studios shoot themselves in the foot by announcing sequels, and even beginning production on them, before the first film has been released. And don't even get me started on the market saturation of popular characters being "rebooted" only four years after their blockbuster trilogy ended.



In the end, all these problems boil down to the same thing: Respect. Respect for the characters, for the firmly established universes, and for the fans who have loved and supported them for decades.

If Hollywood producers went into a comic book project with the same reverence that they give to a biopic of Harvey Milk, or the enthusiasm that goes into an HBO production made exclusively to mock Sarah Palin, the quality of these films would be so consistent that soon every movie released would be based on a comic book.

After all Hollywood is not so enamored of original storytelling, so if they intend to remake everything ever, why not put some more comic book movies out there?

Just do it with love, please.



     

Who Is That Masked Man?

My name is Captain Elias, and that's not a mask, it's protective headgear. I can't sleep past 7am and I'm too lazy to take it off. Too lazy to really blog either.

In addition, I don't feel like anything is particularly newsworthy today. Sure, Superman flipped America the bird and it remains endlessly debated, The Scarlet Witch is back (though people seem to have gotten since Young Avengers comes out 4 times a year) Joss Whedon is filming the Avengers, Fringe is incredible as always, and the second part of the thrilling Doctor Who series premiere is tonight.

Good news, bad news, fantasy news, it's not as important as cooking a lovely meal for my wonderful parents visiting today, and enjoying a beautiful spring Saturday.

Just call me The Cop Out, go to brunch, watch Doctor Who, and check back tomorrow.


Captain Elias is...

reading: The Bull from the Sea by Mary Renault (2nd part of Theseus retelling)

reading: Gutters the hilarious webcomic by Ryan Sohmer and rotating artists.

listening to: the only mixed CDs he owns, which consist entirely of Glenn Miller Band songs

writing: really cheesy poetry, but it's better than nothing, and a horror story

cooking: a meal made of grains and veggies but no meat that will somehow, despite all rational belief, prove to be delicious

NOT googling: images of Channing Tatum and Alex Pettyfer

looking forward to: Parents! Doctor Who! Dry summer wines! (Vinho Verde!) Windows open! And eye contact with the guy who works in that coffee shop.

Have a lovely Saturday folks.



    

Link Me To The Moon, Captain

A collection of links for Friday.

-Tor.com looks to the past to explain why The Doctor finds so much trouble whenever he comes to America. (Though that can be said for every country, planet, and time he visits as well.)

-Not particularly news-related, but always worth a link is the incredible Josh Rogan and his modHero artwork. I have two on my wall, and want about 20 more. The bastard keeps making new ones, and they keep getting better. Here's one he did a couple months ago on the Fantastic Four. Go to his site!!

-In honor of National Poetry Month (an arbitrary extended holiday that bothers me almost as much as National Coming Out Day) I do wish to share the wonderful news that Suzanne Buffam has been short listed for the Griffin Poetry Prize, the most prestigious Canadian poetry honor one can receive, for her second collection of poetry The Irrationalist. It is my belief she should win the whole thing, but I imagine a little recognition, not to mention some bank, is always welcome. Kudos Suzanne! And, dear Readers, find her books. They're spectacular.

-The Wedding of Kate and William happened this morning, or is still happening, and thus news pieces abound about the happy couple. Just saw a little video of the events, and it was surprisingly affecting. Mostly I like her dress, and hadn't realized how pretty she was. However, ComicsAlliance (who got linked to DrudgeReport yesterday for their Superman-revoking-citizenship story..damn, I knew I should have written about that one) has a link to an artist who shows us the truth about how they met.

-Sticking around the UK, Wales Online has an interview with Kenneth Branagh in which he discusses the upcoming Thor release, and how he was first enthralled with the comic as a young boy (fanboy alert!) Also there's something about someone named Anthony Hopkins, but mostly little Kenneth reading comics!

-Bleeding Cool shows a list of comic book creators' reactions to the Superman controversy, showing the majority of them to be surprisingly off-base, with Paul Cornell believing our focus should be on the story instead. The story IS the controversy. Regardless, it was not a good story. Once again, reinvention and originality has come to mean the destruction of what came before. This does not reveal some epiphanous inner workings of Superman's mind, but rather David Goyer's own opinions, and that's not why comic fans spend six freaking bucks on a special supersized 900th issue.


-The latest X-Men: First Class Trailer shows more clips from the upcoming movie, and continues my growing excitement. Some of the mutants they've chosen to include feel horribly random, but it's still a new, ambitious, original approach, and it certainly looks well made.

-And last but not least: Joss Whedon's Cabin in the Woods, long spent painfully collecting dust on the MGM shelves, is being sold to Lionsgate! Rumor has it we may see a Halloween release. Been dying for this movie.

Happy Friday.


     

Yesterday's Comics Reviewed

Ruse #2:

This comic is fantastic. I've long known Mark Waid was a man of great talent and sensibility, but I once believed his keen insight was solely directed at the world of superheroes.

How satisfying to be proved ignorant. This title, his characters, are so enjoyable I plan on tracking own Waid's original CrossGen run, whatever the older art style may be.



Archer Can't Swim



Waid takes the best of the Sherlock Holmes archetypes (genius, energy, inhuman focus) and adds a more common and continuous sense of humor. Putting Simon Archer in a fast paced Victorian mystery is reason enough to buy Ruse, but then there's Emma Bishop, Archers assistant or partner (depending on which one of them you ask.) In effect his better half, Emma provides muscle, common sense, more humor and a strict adherence to the details Archer overlooks (eating, swimming, compassion, etc.)

Together they make a dynamic, eminently readable team. This title MUST be made into an ongoing series, and quickly.

Best Line: "Simon's doing what he always does when he's faced with a problem he can't solve: He tackles one he can." Pure Sherlock.

FF#2 and Amazing Spider-Man #659:

Despite the different tones, these titles can be combined for obvious reasons; namely, the perfect chemistry that Spidey has with Reed, Ben and Sue, and even with Valeria and the rest of the Future Foundation.

FF focuses first on Ben's reactions to Doom joining the team (hint: they're negative) and then on the brilliant minds of the FF (basically everyone except Ben and Sue who instead go have a drink at a bar) working to restore Doom's injured mind.

Clearly I've been out of the loop pre-Johnny Storm's death, but I had no idea Victor had become mentally retarded (apparently it happened during the unread Doomwar series.) Nor can I see the benefit of fixing him, though it seems Val (man I love her) has some deep plans for him. In the end, another solid Hickman issue, beautiful as always, though rather less dramatic and eventful than usual.

The Spidey issue hearkened back to an oldschool Fantastic Four romp and is a comic of adventure and hilarity as the team faced pirates, zombies, pirate zombies, and the dangers of cosplay. Full of action, humor, great dialogue, a solid climactic twist and that pitch-perfect Spidey team chemistry, it seems I owe Dan Slott more chops as a great writer than I've given him. Not only does he know Spidey through and through, he knows how to make a comic full of joy.

Best Line: (Ben attempting to Blackbeard) "Oi, what's all this then? Why are ye botherin' these fancy pants blokes when we should be having a tot o' rum and chasin' birds?"


New Mutants #24:

Age of X concludes here, and it went out in style, if a little predictably. But shock value is overrated and this was a solid story. Ambitious, beautifully drawn, and very tightly paced (three months to tell a six-part story? Unheard of) Mike Carey's mini-crossover can be considered a great success.



Last Stand


While nothing very new was revealed in this final chapter, the crux of the story having been hinted at and discovered previously, we still got some satisfying closure to this world and some very promising dangling plot threads to be explored in the future. (Frenzy and Scott, Pixie as Nightmare--dear God do I hope they retain their memories a bit longer.)

Best Line: (Emma Frost to Scott, after his post-return liplock with Frenzy) "Not to be completely forgettable has always been an ambition of mine." Carey's got her snark down pat. He should write Emma more often.


The Walking Dead #84:

The No Way Out arc ended here. Fortunately Rick didn't die, but Carl's future remains uncertain (one doesn't need ALL of one's head intact to live...right?) Kirkman shows us yet again why his titles endure so long, despite often heavy-handed dialogue.

In the midst of his greatest turmoil and fear, Rick has an epiphany. A clever, simple twist of perspective that casts this Zombie world into a new light. The benefits of organized manpower. Miraculously the survivors manage to destroy the entire enormous herd of Walkers, though in the end it seems like common sense that they should do so.




Rampage


I didn't like this arc at first, and certainly didn't appreciate another widescreen tragic gore splash page from last months issue, but this issue redeems it with a new insight on this long-running comic. Kudos. I look forward to seeing Rick put his new ideas into action.

Best Line: "After everything we've been through, all the people we've lost...I suddenly find myself overcome withs something I thought we'd lost...Hope."


Brightest Day #24:

Another series comes to its end, and this final issue has been a year in the making. However, I don't feel psychologically ready to discuss. I was perfectly willing to accept all of Geoff Johns' new mythology, the return of swamp thing, the white light and traces of Nekron, elemental heroes, the resuscitation of Captain Boomerang for yet another murderous action, but then Johns hits me with a cliche that I hate.

He gives Dove and Boston Brand true love, has them finally admit it out loud, and then kills Boston, though returning him in his ghost form, fulfilling all tired, tragic love dramas. Frankly it felt embarrassing, and I almost put down the comic (I've grown fond of Dove, and Boston, turns out, is super handsome when not wearing that creepy white skull mask.) I'll revisit the issue in awhile, but for now, can't get over that cheap, obvious, and not even well-executed emotional manipulation.

Best Line: "I'm...I'm sorry." (I read that as Johns speaking directly to the reader.)


There are more to review, such as the new Batman, Inc. But I got a page into it when that trademark Grant-Morrison headache kicked in, so I think I'll put it off another day.