Sunday, February 22, 2009

Mugabe Holds Doctor Who Hostage

As the newest installment of Doctor Who is filming in Dubai (no Jews allowed), BBC sources have revealed they believe Robert Mugabe to be in possession of some the oldest and most valuable episodes, which have been missing for decades.

Apparently the episodes were purchased when Zimbabwe was Rhodesia, and have yet to be seen since the 70s (much like white farmers). Fears of red tape and British hatred leave fans and experts pessimistic about recovering the seminal episodes, which could include the first regeneration ever (from William Hartnell to Patrick Troughton, 1966).

Were one to use Mugabe's argument banning homosexuality against him, one would say that dogs and pigs do not watch science fiction, so why must Zimbabweans?

The alternative is to hop in the TARDIS and travel back to BBC headquarters in the late '60s when some complete and utter tosser destroyed the episodes to make room in their film library for new programmes[sic], and give him a good backhander upside the head.

Or else the UK could wage a (Time)War, drop a few bombs on Bobby-Gabe, and hope for the best. I think I could get behind that, and now that bleeding-heart British liberals have been hit so close to home (they all love the Doctor), I'm probably not the only one.

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